A new start. Well, for the time being.

So, i suppose, seeing that i haven't blogged in a while that this whole blogging thing is going to be an every couple of months thing. I don't even know why i have a bilge. i suppose for me that it acts as some sort of diary. in modern day society, men aren't supposed to keep diaries. that the beauty of it it all. Modrn society is going to pot. im not surprised.

I like the fact that even as i sit here not knowing what to say, Im writing about things that i wouldn't think about in every day life. Its nice, like a friend who listens whoever. I have lot of those types of friends. Im very lucky, many people don't.
Iv been at uni for a while now and i do really like it, but, i think the security of my friends and family at home take the small amount of comfortability away from me, im grateful for that. A friend who i made at the beginning of the year has turned out to be a complete freak, I mean weird. She does no work, is a complete state and her 'new friends' have all died their hair the same colour. incest? Yes i think so. I think that its safe to say that they are becoming an incest group, that and the fact that they are slowly turning into the same person. Im white shackled by this.

I attempted to start a plan for a book. Me write a book? Don't be silly. that the thought i would think to myself. I also think that the whole idea of me thinking i could write a book is silly enough. I want to do something amazing with my life, but opportunities are hard to come by and i don't think that i will ever gen any. I like to think that this is a wrong though and that i should think positive but, its zoo hard to think like that. Its something that i cant do.

When you look in the mirror what do you see? I see someone who's lfe will neve make a difference in the world. Its frustrating.
I always think, what does Gaga (lady) or beyonce, or lana del Ray see in the mirror. They don't see them selves. They see their aler egos, they want to be remembered as something that they have created, not something that they are. There not being remember for who they are but what they have become. there not themselves. Its a sad though and i hate to think it but its true. Its life i guess.

I hate correcting my self so you can all marvel at my poor language skills.

iv become an emotional wreck

Its hard trying to decipher what it is your meant to do in life. I suppose it bring it all down to whether we think that we all have the belief that there is fate or not? i odnt know whether i think that fate is real of not. i don't know if i can bring my self to believethat the person who im meant to be with is already known and is 'Written' if you like.
Worst fear? Life in death.
Im scared that my life isn't going to amount to anything dramatic. That im just going to be someone in a thousand years time that didn't make a difference. A tombstone next to another tomb stone. I suppose he idea that you halp shape someones life for the better is a nice thought. That the action has then gone on to influence someone sells that will go on to change the world.
Death because i don't know whats out there. my theory is that if im the  second fromlast person to die i wont be left alone and i will have everyone else waiting for me when i get to the place thats beyond life, but what if the person who i really want to be waiting for me isn't there? what am i meant to do. I  18 and i feel like if accomplished so much and don'e so much but the one thing i want to share with everyone i cant.
I hate it. Its something that no one other than the two people involved can know.its ripping me apart. its like an elongated part of my life that i wanted to be over has started again. a punishment of some sort.
Im confused and scared of something and i don't have a clue what. Im sitting her writing a blog that not a single person follows because i cant find another way of saying anything else.
crying isn't gonna help but some times you have just to.

i don't even care about my spelling

blogging....

So im going to uni!!!  Iv decided that over the next few years imaging to keep a blog open. For the main reason that lately Iv had so much go though my head, just about general things. I think I need to start writing them all down.

So here we go. UNI!!! Im going to Staffodshire University. I went through clearing so im not too sure what its going to be like.

...

Just had a thought! I WISH I WAS A GENIUS. I mean like an 'actual' genius. I wish I could give Einstein a run for his money. Alas, it will never happen; im just not that way inclined. I suppose that if i worked really hard then yeh, I could be REALLY clever, but I mean at the end of the day everyone could work harder. If I had a penny for every time that my teachers told me that I had the potential to be better I would be able to buy at least 30 penny sweets! (Im not going to say a millionaire because it is only pennies) SERIOUSLY! I don't know. I do think that there is a smart gene in there somewhere. Something that makes people just get things. remember little things that us normal people just cant remember off of the top of our heads. maybe normal isn't the right word.
Day Dreaming is the worst. I can remember, back in the days of lower school, sitting in the back of the classroom staring out of the window at the ferrel seagulls attacking each other for the remnants of the ketchup absorbed bread roll thinking, "I should start an illegal seagull fighting game behind the drama hut!"
or planning my next move in my acting career. (NADA) ....

I went for an audition for the National Youth Theatre. Oh My God. seriously, what are some parents telling their children??? They are not, I repeat! NOT good. Why tell them they are? If they enjoy it then go to an acting class or join a club during the week? I didn't get in. but at the end of the day. I wasnt good enough!! The thing that annoyed me most was that the majority of the applicants were from private schools, all aspiring to become Art historians, and poets an.... NO. Your going to try and make it in your acting career and then once you've decided that you don't want to do that anymore your going to go to uni, come out of your degree and start living off mummy and daddy. Then they get onto the subject of "What A Levels are you taking for A Level?" with replies of classics, history, russian. I then go on to tell them that i'm doing Media, drama (a subject we all seem to have in common) ICT and Psychology only to suddenly be un-include me in their conversation on, whats your favourite Classic author? Funnily enough i'd bought the Crucible and Weathering Heights with me which, after 5 minutes since their exhilarating conversation had begun, i decided to wonder over to my fake Paul Smith bag (courtesy of my mum from a bargain shop in thailand) which I had been given, I produced weathering Heights and began to pretend to read it. I didn't reveal that I had a dictionary in my bed that I used on the train to decipher Emily Brontes Horrendous array of literature.

(I will read this back in the morning and wonder what the hell iv been doing for the oats hour? but oh well)

Media pics

These are some pictures that I took on my trip to india :) ... did a bit of editing obviously haha

Porobello Road - Photography by Jennie Baxendall editing by Jack Hutchins!=

Serbia! croatia and montenegro

jiged some of them to get a bit of coulor in them haha! 

so i went to serbia for a christenig ad it was FUN! 

after me and the famo went to croatia and montenegre which was really cool!